Is "FRUGAL" an excuse to disguise how "CHEAP" you are??

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by remotecontrol, Jan 9, 2017.

  1. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    There is an old saying, "Frugality in a woman is the most undesirable!"

    I just broke up with a woman (Susan) I have been dating for about 5+ months.
    Susan had everything going for her - she was attractive, educated, well-rounded, career-oriented, great-paying job, healthy and in good-shape, well-traveled, loves to garden, etc.
    The ONE big reason I broke up with her - she was Cheap! Cheap! Cheap! Unbelievably Cheap!
    Mind you, Susan was not poor. She had a six-figure salary, drives a nice BMW and owns a townhouse in Rittenhouse Square.

    In the beginning when we were first dating, there were subtle clues that I did not pick up but her miserly, penny-pinching, nickle-and-diming, persona escalated as we got closer in our relationship.
    When I took Susan out to dinner (my treat) - I select a nice, intimate, or classy restaurant around the city.
    When Susan takes me out to dinner (her treat) - she would want to go to the diner (esp. the early bird special) or any of the cheap eats on South Street.
    When I would go over her place for dinner, I would bring a purchased bottle of wine or flowers - the normal etiquette. When she comes over my house, she brings a cucumber or a small bag of cherry tomatoes from her garden - and they were not for eating for that night.
    At first I thought how cute it was to be proud of bringing organic veges grown by her own hands - but later realized, not any of her gift items she would give me were ever purchased - not one!

    There were other incidences.
    Both our birthdays are in October, Susan gave me an old/used vase she had stored away for years collecting dust (I got her a $100 gift certificate to her favorite store). A month ago, she acquired a man's leather jacket in good condition that would fit me but instead of offering this item to me, she asks if I would like to 'purchase' it from her for a small fee otherwise she would donate it for a tax deduction. <Seriously?!>
    For Christmas, I got her a monogram World Atlas since she loves to travel. She got me 1 paperback book which I later found at Barnes and Noble discount table costing $5.

    Sadly, my New Year Resolution was to break up with this woman! When I did, we argued!
    I accused her of being this cheap tightwad! She heavily denies it and say she is Frugal!
    Frugal, really???
    I proceeded to point out her closet full of designer outfits, her drawer of jewelry galore, her countless (guessing 100+) shoes, her desire to travel abroad every Spring, her quality, top-of-the-line appliances and furniture in her home, etc.
    If one is truly Frugal, one would not have this continual need to build material wealth and possessions.
    She would spend big $$$ on herself but never on others and that is the clear definition of Cheap!

    I did say to her - "Frugality in a woman is the most undesirable!"
    And that if she does not change her ways, she will grow old alone.

    Am I wrong???
     
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  2. OKT3

    OKT3 Garager

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    Nope. But I don't know if I would say she's cheap. She may be one of those "For me, but not for thee" types, which is more of a self-centered thing. Cheap is making decent $$, but not spending it, even on yourself. A truly cheap person would never spend money on clothes or appliances, forget travel. IMHO.

    Whether she's cheap or a narcissist, you dodged a bullet.
     
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  3. ShoshTrvls

    ShoshTrvls Well-Known Member

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    So, you are a new member who joined just to post misogynistic crap? and OKT3, you are giving this troll breathing room? Really?
     
  4. funk

    funk Well-Known Member

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    what if a woman wrote this about her ex boyfriend? Shlosh, you are a misandrist.
     
  5. MNG1324

    MNG1324 Well-Known Member

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    While the story is petty and inane.....I don't see how it's misogynistic.
     
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  6. DocAwesome

    DocAwesome The Doctor is In

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    Some people have traits that others don't like. Film at 11.

    If you just want people to console you and pat you on the back, welcome to the internet my friend, how can we help you.

    From our point of view 1) we only hear one side of the story, 2) we see someone who we don't know talking about another person we don't know and 3) As a thought experiment this would be a topic of conversation however there is no reason to essentially badmouth an ex to get to your goal. Who she is and how she acts is really none of our damn business.

    Find someone who will make you happy and forget finding validation for your actions online.
     
  7. Hospitalitygirl

    Hospitalitygirl Resident Ornery Bitch

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    Pray tell...where are these "cheap eats" on South Street?
     
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  8. CHIOSSO

    CHIOSSO Schuylkill Ranger

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    i don't think this is a real person
     
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  9. OKT3

    OKT3 Garager

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    Troll, probably. Misogynist, no.
     
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  10. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    Wow, Really?? Misogynistic?
    This is "The Lounge" where almost any topic or subject can be discussed.
    The topic I am bringing up is frugality versus cheapness - some may dive into the psychology of it, others may use public figures or celebrities to enhance a visual on the subject, I basically shared an experience (a woman I had dated) poignant to the topic.
    How you read this as misogynistic is completely unclear to me.
    If it was the same topic but instead of an ex, I used my brother or a male friend as an example - am I a misandrist?! (Thank you Funk)
    If I used my parents or church members as an example - am I anti-family or anti-religion??

    Whether I am a "new member" posting my very first comment/thread in this forum or this is my 1000th+ comment/thread - well, everybody has to get their start somewhere!
    And just because you don't like nor appreciate the VERY FIRST comment/thread posted - do you immediately label that person a "Troll"?
    Just saying!
     
    #10 remotecontrol, Jan 11, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2017
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  11. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    Susan took me out to dinner to Jim's Steaks and twice to Ishkabibbles.
     
  12. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    Hmmmm, not sure how to respond to this.
    I just went and pinch myself - I am awake and I just felt pain.
    o_O
     
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  13. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    How I see this -
    A truly cheap person would never spend money on clothes or appliances - on others.
    A truly frugal person would never spend money on clothes or appliances - on themselves.
     
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  14. OldMama

    OldMama Finally retired. Newly married. Kids are gone.

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    Hey if this thread is about dating duds, make yourself some popcorn. I've got a million stories.

    Until I got lucky.
     
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  15. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    Ok - going off topic to answer the allegations that I am a "TROLL".
    Gosh - is there some unwritten etiquette for any and all newcomers to any forum?
    I heard about this forum some months ago & am just joining this now.
    And at the same time, I broke up with the ex a few days ago after the NY.
    Well, the 2 events coincided together - it wasn't plan nor was it maliciously calculated.
    The breakup was still fresh in my head as I was signing up in this forum and creating my very first thread - so as nature led - I post about it.
    Was it wrong?

    And my post was more centered to the use of the words "frugal" versus "cheap" to describe oneself.
    And in order to describe and differentiate between these 2 'interchangeable' words, I shared a dating life experience which, IMO would make the best visual. I certainly was NOT looking for validation of my actions. (OK DocAwesome :))
    Nor was I regretting my actions and asking to see if I did the right thing. Hope this is cleared up!

    So in hindsight, maybe my subject matter approach should not have been the FIRST topic to create a thread but then I would ask, would the responses be the same if this was my 10th post or my 10000th post? Would ShoshTrvls still call this misogynistic?
    There is no rule book to say that "thou shall not share negative life experiences as an example in a forum".

    :cool:
     
  16. funk

    funk Well-Known Member

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    now you're just annoying.
     
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  17. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    Okay then!
    Good to know you are delicate and easily irritated.
    Go get a hug or a beer, or both? :D :cool: :)
     
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  18. Hospitalitygirl

    Hospitalitygirl Resident Ornery Bitch

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    Even those places aren't really cheap eats, for that you might need Gus' hot dog cart, but point taken.
     
  19. boognish

    boognish Well-Known Member

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    "Frugality in a woman is the most undesirable" is not a saying, an expression, or a witticism. At least not in English. In 2017.
     
  20. Jayfar

    Jayfar I'm very old®

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    True: No results found for "Frugality in a woman is the most undesirable"
     
  21. MNG1324

    MNG1324 Well-Known Member

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    I'm more worried about her being fugly than frugal....and yes that misogynistic but I don't give a rats ass.
     
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  22. ZZZZTop

    ZZZZTop Member

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  23. Lee TM

    Lee TM New Member

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    Ha, interesting thread! I think I got this licked!

    My sister, Pearl, is a millionaire and probably the cheapest person in Philadelphia.
    She just cannot and will not spend money on others - it is just not in her nature.

    In 1999, I purchased my first house in center city.
    This is Pearl's housewarming gift for me.
    Can anyone guess what this is? In my sister's eyes, this had value and she thought it was an appropriate housewarming gift.

    [​IMG]
     
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  24. remotecontrol

    remotecontrol Member

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    It looks like a cutting board?
    Or something you would wedge under a structure to keep it balanced.
    Whatever it is - its something that is completely disposable, or fuel for a campfire or a weapon to wack someone over with.
    There - one can brainstorm multiple uses (but not a gift to someone).

    Curious - could this be a retaliation of past gifts you gave to your sister?
     
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  25. MackeyDingo

    MackeyDingo REALLY Well-Known Member

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    If that happened I would feel like she is materialistic and shallow. I would say that her feelings for him obviously weren't real, and only extended to the bottom of his wallet.

    So, dearest Remotecontrol, it appears that you are being materialistic and shallow. It seems your feelings for this woman were not stronger than your feelings for material goods.

    Of course, I could be wrong.


    You can console him and pat him on the back.
    I'm sorry. I just had to.
     
  26. MackeyDingo

    MackeyDingo REALLY Well-Known Member

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    Did you ask Jeeves? That guy's so smart its just plain silly.
     
    #26 MackeyDingo, Jan 22, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2018
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  27. Jayfar

    Jayfar I'm very old®

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    I used Lycos. ;) I'm very old®.
     
  28. Lee TM

    Lee TM New Member

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    Nope, no retaliation, she's just Cheap!
    Pearl has owned several homes in her past and I was just a kid or in college when she bought her past houses; I didn't have an income to buy her any housewarming gifts. Instead, I helped painted all her previous homes.
    However, her current house she purchased in 2002, instead of a gift, I continued my tradition to help paint. I painted her two bedrooms. That was my housewarming gift to Pearl.

    My 2nd housewarming gift from Pearl was just as bad and cheap as the first. I purchased my 2nd home in South Philly in 2007. Her housewarming gift to me: she rerooted one of her houseplants and placed it in a plastic yogurt cup with soil. That was it. HA!

    [​IMG]

    I have more examples with birthday and Christmas gifts; but lets just say the value and substance of all her gifts have always been less than what I have given to her.
     
  29. Lee TM

    Lee TM New Member

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    Forgot to add .....
    Bottomline is Cheap people (like my millionaire sister) just can't and won't spend money on others. It is just not in their nature.
    If they do happen to spend money on others, they will try and spend the least amount they possibly can and will ONLY spend more if there is a sure return in their investment. It is how they think and behave daily.
    They have no problem taking and accepting gifts and charity from others and will use the excuse that they are "frugal" to hide their sad trait and make them feel good about themselves!
     

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