anyone ever take a Dale Carnegie Workshop?

**toxigal** · 01-21-2013, 09:38 PM

I am transitioning into a new role at work, and one of the concerns (rightfully) of my boss is that i um, lack tact. i tend to almost be too comfortable at work, and don't watch my words as carefully as i should. i've thought about it a lot today and i do think i could benefit from some professional coaching of sorts.

the dale carnegie workshops are really expensive. i'd like to go to my boss with a proposal for a seminar of some sort to show i am serious about this new role and being successful in it, but i also want him to know that i am cost conscious.

**borntochill** · 01-22-2013, 12:46 AM

I am surprised that this is an issue for you. On these forums, time-and-again you've shown immense restraint, sanity, and good humor in the face of provocation. More than most of us in fact. And many people who make an effort to be tactful in real life, are without filter online.

**toxigal** · 01-22-2013, 07:58 AM

Originally Posted by borntochill

I am surprised that this is an issue for you. On these forums, time-and-again you've shown immense restraint, sanity, and good humor in the face of provocation. More than most of us in fact. And many people who make an effort to be tactful in real life, are without filter online.

thank you.my boss didn't give me any specific examples, but he did say that people may take things i say the wrong way. that he would know i was joking or being sarcastic, but others who don't know me as well may be put off. i also complain too much about people who i think are bad at their jobs.

here's an example that i do have from a few years ago....i lost quite a bit of weight and someone asked me how i did it. my answer was "depression and alcohol". which was true, but i said it in what i thought was a joking manner so that it would be clear that i was doing just fine. another woman overheard this conversation and went to my boss expressing a concern about my mental health.

oh, and i talk too much and too loud. that i know.

**Tartan69** · 01-22-2013, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by toxigal

my boss didn't give me any specific examples

If he's going to bring up this as a growth area for you, then he absolutely owes you specific examples. He's either too embarrassed to talk about it, doesn't want to be bothered to think about it, or worst case he's finding ways to hold you down for some reason. Ask him for this in no uncertain terms as a coaching/mentoring exercise.

**Dayman** · 01-22-2013, 08:59 AM

Can't you read How to Win Friends and Influence People instead?

Actually relevant to today and there is good information within.

If you want any USCG leadership materials I can forward that to you as well.

**lucidinnature** · 01-22-2013, 09:20 AM

Originally Posted by borntochill

I am surprised that this is an issue for you. On these forums, time-and-again you've shown immense restraint, sanity, and good humor in the face of provocation. More than most of us in fact. And many people who make an effort to be tactful in real life, are without filter online.

Ummmm, no she hasn't. She has let out enough that any defense could easily call her credibility into question due to this website.

**lucidinnature** · 01-22-2013, 09:20 AM

Originally Posted by borntochill

I am surprised that this is an issue for you. On these forums, time-and-again you've shown immense restraint, sanity, and good humor in the face of provocation. More than most of us in fact. And many people who make an effort to be tactful in real life, are without filter online.

Ummmm, no she hasn't. She has let out enough that any defense could easily call her credibility into question due to this website.

**Politburo** · 01-22-2013, 09:32 AM

Projection much?

**toxigal** · 01-22-2013, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by Dayman

Can't you read How to Win Friends and Influence People instead?

Actually relevant to today and there is good information within.

If you want any USCG leadership materials I can forward that to you as well.

thanks. I actually pulled the book off the work bookshelf and plan on reading it...i was wondering if it was still relevant. a coworker just gave me a book from a seminar she attended recently. she said it was really good so i'm going to follow up with that and go to HR to see which companies they recommend for this type of thing.

i'm good at my job. i have no doubts there. I also have no doubts that the majority of my coworkers like me and know that i'm good at my job. bossman said i do very well with working with the people in the lab but i need to work on dealing with upper management - which is new for me.

**Captain Awesome** · 01-22-2013, 10:46 AM

I have. My employer has all managers take a three-day leadership excellence class through them. I thought it was excellent.

Several of my colleagues have taken a class on presentation skills through DC as well.

**OldMama** · 01-22-2013, 01:14 PM

Frankly, Toxi, I think tact is over-rated. ESPECIALLY when dealing with upper management.

In the example you cited that woman was simply clueless. I thought your response was funny as should anyone with half a brain and a sense of humor.

Maybe you can take lucidinnature to class with you. Wouldn't that be fun, LIN?

**raider.adam** · 01-22-2013, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by toxigal

i'm good at my job. i have no doubts there. I also have no doubts that the majority of my coworkers like me and know that i'm good at my job. bossman said i do very well with working with the people in the lab but i need to work on dealing with upper management - which is new for me.

My boss also told me that i have to work on how I interact and speak to upper management.

I told him that was their problem they are idiots.

I don't think that is what he was hoping for.

**Eastcoast** · 01-22-2013, 01:23 PM

My 3 top tips for those about to enter middle management.

1. Never, ever use the term "bossman" again unless you are compelled to serve on a chain gang in 1930's Louisiana.

2. Stop posting overly personal info on public forums.

3. Listen more than you currently do, speak less than you currently do.

**toxigal** · 01-22-2013, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by OldMama

Frankly, Toxi, I think tact is over-rated. ESPECIALLY when dealing with upper management.

In the example you cited that woman was simply clueless. I thought your response was funny as should anyone with half a brain and a sense of humor.

Thanks. I know i come across as harsh to some people and i don't always play well with others. I really do want to improve in this area. there are a ton of different companies that offer seminars with great titles, but i've attended some that were very hokey and want to make sure i pick the right one!

**toxigal** · 01-22-2013, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by raider.adam

My boss also told me that i have to work on how I interact and speak to upper management.

I told him that was their problem they are idiots.

I don't think that is what he was hoping for.

my boss's advice would be "think it, don't say it".

1. Never, ever use the term "bossman" again unless you are compelled to serve on a chain gang in 1930's Louisiana.

2. Stop posting overly personal info on public forums.

3. Listen more than you currently do, speak less than you currently do.

#3 is one I know I have to work on.

I have no concerns with respect to #1 and #2, but thanks for the advice.

**Jayfar** · 01-22-2013, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by Eastcoast

3. Listen more than you currently do, speak less than you currently do.

Active Listening. At my job we had to take a web-based course on just that. I seem to recall that there was a Seinfeld episode on active listening too.

Active listening - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

**toxigal** · 01-23-2013, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by lucidinnature

Ummmm, no she hasn't. She has let out enough that any defense could easily call her credibility into question due to this website.

considering there are several defense attorneys who contact me for their cases, i'm not concerned. Usually they have either used me before or read a report i've written for another attorney (both prosecution and defense, i'm actually about 50/50 with respect to which side has retained my services). i'm good at my job, nobody who matters doubts that.

**toxigal** · 01-23-2013, 10:26 AM

thanks everyone! I met with HR and discussed it further with my boss (and his boss - who is my primary mentor) and I will be attending a workshop on emotional intelligience throught he Mid Atlantic Employers Association to start. they were both impressed that i am being proactive in addressing the negative parts of my annual review.

**Tartan69** · 01-23-2013, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by toxigal

thanks everyone! I met with HR and discussed it further with my boss (and his boss - who is my primary mentor) and I will be attending a workshop on emotional intelligience throught he Mid Atlantic Employers Association to start. they were both impressed that i am being proactive in addressing the negative parts of my annual review.

kudos!